When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. * The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. (I Corinthians 13:11; Proverbs 29:1)
THERE IS A TON OF FOOL’S GOLD out there when it comes to parenting, but when we think through how the Lord parents us, and what He has to say in the Scriptures, several nuggets emerge…
5 COMMON REASONS FOR PARENTING WOES
1 Irresponsible. Self absorbed instead of engaged with kids.
2 Ignorant. Unaware of the Biblical principles of parenting.
3 Insecure. Afraid of their kids anger and rejection.
4 Inconsistent. No inner convictions or standards, thus indecisive.
5 Inflexible. Failing to adapt to 4 Stages of Parenting Well…
4 KEY STAGES OF PARENTING WELL
1 Captain stage. Birth – 10: Always wear the captains hat!
2 Coaching stage. Ages 11-14: Encouraging to do their best!
3 Counseling stage. Ages 15-19: Using Q & As to point the way!
4 Consultant stage. Self supported singles or married: Offering insights & supporting their decision
8 BASIC REASONS WHY KIDS DISOBEY
1 Physiological Hindrance. Psalm139:14; II Corinthians 4:16
[] Check nutritional (high sugar) and medical issues that may be at play, such as poor hearing, hypoglycemia, ADHD, Aspergers, Tourrets, etc. [] Seek help from nutritionists, alternative or traditional medical specialists.
2 Inattentiveness. Proverbs 4:1 ; 2:1
[] They may just be lost in their own world while we give drive-by orders. [] Kneel, get eye contact, hold up your index finger to softly and carefully say: Honey, Im going to say this once, only once. Got it?
3 Childish Forgetfulness/Distraction. Proverbs 3:1-4
[] Kids, like us, can easily get distracted by a toy on the way to a chore. [] Turn chores into games together (or spot check) w/ a timer and reward.
4 Dominant Enthusiasm. Proverbs 25:16, 17 ; 10:19
[] Some kids are like Tigger. They act first, think later, and ricochet in life!! [] Use the game/timer thing to teach them bounce and no-bounce times.
5 Slothful Apathy. Proverbs 26:14, 16 ; 19:15, 12:24, 27
[] Some are lazy and whine about being tired, sick or Thats not fair. [] Say: Actually, life is never going to be fair, which is why we help each other. Start chores together. Then move to progress/reward charts.
6 Temporary Testing Mode. Proverbs 15:10, 1-2
[] Sometimes they will test your limits, while other times be very compliant. [] Give clear warnings and consequences of crossing the line (time out; lost privilege; grounding; fining), and calmly but firmly issue it if they cross it.
7 Over-powering Temptation. Proverbs 23:31-32, 27
[] Some are like Curious George or get seduced into crossing your lines. [] Limit peer-only time by having more family fun times. Also listen to stories of those rescued from rebellion, drugs, sex, alcohol, and crime.
8 Willful/Deceptive Rebellion. Deuteronomy 21:18
[] Jaw-set defiance and rebellion are a showdown of wills. You must win. [] EVERY defiant act MUST result in some kind of corrective consequence. (Child: time out or spanking; Teen: lost privilege, grounding, fining) [] If you spank, do so privately, calmly, and correctively like this:
- Query: What did you do that was wrong? Make sure they know.
- Submission: Its time for you to bend over the bed. Never force it.
- Brokenness: Paddle with firm repetition until they cry/soften/apologize.
- Reassurance: Hold and hug them saying: I love you so much
[] If rebellion is continual, separate for a season w/ goal of restoration. [] If still continuing, let them be subject to the law/jail time (Romans 13:1-7).
May this brief list of nuggets get you into the ball park of good parenting as you continue to seek Him and His wisdom, and winsomely pass it on to your children! []
— Dr. Mark Gonzales * [email protected] * Ft. Myers, FL
